We’ve all heard it before: “Marriage is hard work.” It's a sentiment that many have repeated for generations, often in the context of enduring struggles, compromises, and the idea that your partner might not always be your biggest supporter. But what if we could flip that script? What if we stopped seeing marriage as something to be merely endured and started viewing it as something to be celebrated, supported, and even, yes, enjoyed?
Marriage is, at its core, a partnership. When you say “I do,” you’re not just agreeing to share a home or a bed or a bank account. You’re committing to a team, a dynamic duo that can weather the storms of life together. And just like any winning team, you want your partner to be your fan, your cheerleader, and your biggest supporter.
A New Perspective: The Power of Partnership
Let’s think about it for a second. There are 8 billion people in the world. 8 billion! And out of all those individuals, your partner—your spouse—chose you. Why? They see something unique and special in you. They see potential, they see love, and they see a future. So why would we undermine that? Why would we let outdated ideas about marriage, rooted in conflict and competition, dictate how we show up for each other?
Consider this: Imagine your spouse cheering you on, no matter how big or small the victory is. Whether it’s achieving a career milestone, finishing a big project, or just making it through a tough day, they are there, your cheerleader. How would that feel? How would that change the way you approach your day, your goals, and your dreams?
The Role of the Cheerleader
In the best relationships, your spouse should be your biggest fan. Not your critic. Not your competition. A fan believes in your potential, lifts you when feeling down, and celebrates every step forward. It’s not about perfect performance. It’s about supporting one another through every high and low, every triumph and challenge.
Think about any successful person you admire. Do you think they got where they are, alone? I don't think so. They had a support system, often as someone who believed in them when they didn’t believe in themselves. This is what marriage should be—a space where both partners can grow individually and as a team, building each other up instead of tearing each other down.
Real-Life Example: A Shift in Perspective
I had a client once who had been married for over 10 years. She came to me feeling frustrated. “My husband just doesn’t seem to care about my goals,” she said. “I’m constantly doing everything for the family, and I just feel like he doesn’t support me.”
We dug deeper, and as it turned out, her husband did care—he just didn’t know how to express it. He was used to a more traditional, outdated view of marriage where the roles were rigid and unchanging. The wife took care of the household, children, and family. She was expected to hold it all together, while the husband worked outside the home. He hadn’t realized that, in her mind, his role was also to partner in her personal growth and aspirations.
We worked together on changing the way they communicated. Instead of assuming that his silence meant disinterest, she started to express her needs more clearly. Instead of thinking her wife was too busy or stressed to notice his efforts, he started taking a more active role in supporting her, even cheering her on when she pursued things just for herself.
The result? A stronger bond. A healthier relationship. And a renewed sense of partnership that lifted both of them up.
A Call to Action: Reframe Your Marriage
If you want to make your marriage stronger, more fulfilling, and more supportive, it’s time to reframe how you view your role as a spouse. Here’s a simple action plan to get started:
Communicate Openly – Start having regular conversations with your partner about your dreams, goals, and needs. Don’t assume they already know what you want or need from them. Share your thoughts openly, and ask them how they’d like to be supported, too.
Celebrate Each Other’s Wins – It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day grind, but make a point to celebrate the wins, no matter how small. When your spouse accomplishes something, whether it’s a professional achievement or a personal one, be their biggest fan.
Shift Your Mindset – Instead of viewing challenges as obstacles in your marriage, view them as opportunities for you both to grow and work together. If something is hard, tackle it as a team, with the understanding that you both bring unique strengths to the table.
Be Encouraging, Not Critical–The next time you find yourself tempted to criticize your partner, take a step back. Is this a moment where you can encourage them instead? Even in difficult situations, try to offer support rather than judgment.
Ask for What You Need – You can’t always expect your partner to know what you need unless you ask. If you want them to be your cheerleader, tell them! Specify the support you require in the most crucial areas.
Conclusion
Marriage shouldn't be seen as a battlefield; release the old-fashioned ideas of marriage being a difficult and burdensome path. Rather, envision it as a joint adventure, where you and your partner uplift and motivate each other throughout the journey. Remember, you are on the same team. So why not start acting like it?
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