When we ask ourselves the question “Who am I”, we are really asking what we want to do with our lives, where we fit in, and how we matter. This question has awakened spirituality in some but leaves most of us bewildered. The worst is if it leaves you devastated by the feeling of being a failure and your perfect world shattered.
The likely answer is prowling in your childhood. It is more so if you are subjected to out-of-balance positive conditioning by your parents. While there are many healthy things children need to learn from their parents, children are extremely vulnerable to the effects of unbalanced positive conditioning. Expectations of perfection and rewards for the results thereof, prove regressive. As a consequence, parents often land up teaching their children to negate their authentic feelings and emotions. This clouds their inner knowing. With their inner navigator confused, soon the child learns to be in denial of his authentic self. The consequences are disturbing as the child suffers from induced guilt, becomes passive, and avoids conflicting situations. Mr Perfect starts living in a “perfect world” of his own.
A parent using only positive reinforcement unwittingly encourages the child to develop scheming techniques to avoid responsibility for inappropriate actions. Although positive reinforcement is easier than old-style discipline, it deprives the child of knowing what he needs to improve. Surprisingly, people who are conditioned with admiration have a much harder time undoing their unhealthy learning than the children who were punished and criticized for their wrongdoings or even otherwise. Positive reinforcement can give a feeling of self-importance without deserving. Parents should balance their approach since being too positive in evaluating a child can be as destructive as being too critical.
Come adulthood, this negation of your real self subjects you to frequent emotional breakdowns and increased risk of physical and mental illnesses.
The good part is that if you are asking this question to yourself; let me assure you with many psychologists on my side, that your authentic self is intact and talking to you. All you need to do is to get your learned, positively reinforced self out of the way. Your self-image of being a perfectionist, incapable of facing any kind of criticism, needs to be amended now. Once you get rid of it and let go of the control, you heal your emotional self (in a perfect) all the way. You will soon feel the renewed flow of life energies charging your inner knowing most suitably. You will find your answer and break free.
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