Two Aspects of Most relationships: One Pretended, the other Actual

The actuals

Your actual relationship is defined by the actual interactions you have (the way you talk to each other, the way you treat each other) and the values you prioritize for each other, such as trust, gratitude, or the way you treat others.

The pretensions

Pretended relationships are stories about how you feel about each other rather than your actual feelings. Like any fiction, these relationships are more or less realistic. It’s so because it is not always possible to love and care for others cent percent. If that were the case, couples would have no other relationships, no other lives, and no other “selves”; will only have their relationship with each other. The tag of a relationship would be the only identity of a person and the price on it commensurate to the degree of devotion shown.

The natural

We don’t always feel love or even care for another person, no matter how close that person is. Life is not just a relationship. A sense of security and comfort is provided by a “story” that supports and affirms faith in the love and loyalty of others in their absence. It helps in sustaining the relationship.

Our beliefs

We are taught from childhood to maintain an image or “belief” in the truth, even when the evidence for them disappears. When someone leaves our sight, they still exist. The problem only arises when our imagined representation of the absent person bears little resemblance to who they really are. Or our view of a relationship unsupported by facts develops into something extremely unrealistic.

Feeling insecure

This is a time when your partner may feel insecure and feel the need to constantly prove their worth through the opinions of others. They seek the approval of others for their character or work. They seek out likes, comments, and compliments from people and only feel happy when others acknowledge them. Pretend actuals

So remember: pretended relationships are valuable when they look like actual relationships, but pretended relationships are destructive when they are significantly different from relationships actual.

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