“Others are not selfish for wanting the same energy and love they give.”
If you’re in a relationship that’s not going your way, one that’s full of pain, confusion, or hollowness, then it looks like you’ve lost your dignity and self-esteem. You have allowed yourself to accept pain, disappointment, and self-destructive attitudes. You’ve rationalized a lot of your hopes and dreams. You’ve dealt with a lot of things that you didn’t want, you’ve let indifference get in your way and in the process have probably let your partner abuse you. But most of all, you have let yourself down by ill-treating yourself.
You can continue to blame your partner or other circumstances in life instead of trying to find the real answer within yourself. The fact is that you have lost touch with your inner core where you are absolutely defined and where your greatest strength, instincts, values, talents, and wisdom are located. I guarantee you that no change regarding your partner will make any difference unless you decide to change yourself first. This journey doesn’t start with a partner. It starts with you. The necessary change must start from within as you reconnect with who you are and decide what to do with your life and its purpose.
“To change things be the change.”
A common categorization of victim shame is that “everyone now thinks their partner is a narcissist.” However, actual victims of emotional and psychological abuse do not usually dodge responsibility and often ask, “Is that me?” Is it my fault?” as they deal with a situation in their relationship. It’s for you to see what your contribution toward maintaining the relationship is. Don’t be surprised if you find that it’s you who is dragging it down.
It’s high time you take responsibility and start focusing on the following:
The buck stops with you
“Fix up without fuss”
You have learned your lesson and don’t want to get caught up in the blame game once again. Who contributed how much to the problem is not the point. Take a more hands-on approach, understand the situation, and consider what could have been done differently. Remember the buck stops with you.
Show care and respect
“When we treat others with respect, it shows that we recognize their value and worth.”
Emotions are certainly awakened in such situations, and it is very important to react to them and take responsibility for them. Summarize and explain your feelings so that your partner doesn’t feel cheated. When you respond to how your partner feels, it generates mutual respect.
As within so without
“Don’t believe everything you think.”
You can continue to blame your partner or other circumstances in life remaining disconnected from your inner core. Therefore what comes out is garbage. It’s for you to think positively about maintaining the relationship and remaining unbiased.
There are two sides to a coin
“A lot of things broke my heart but fixed my vision.”
Get into the shoes of your partner. When situations are viewed from a different angle you will always find another perspective. Keeping in mind this aspect would allow none to feel let down immediately in a situation. Instead, you both may be able to step back and understand the reasons for each other’s diverse ways of responding.
Exchange your thoughts and feelings
“I want to make memories. I want to feel alive.”
To make sure that your partner is able to communicate what’s going on, it’s important for you to consciously listen to what is being communicated. This allows you to accommodate your partner’s needs without having to guess. Be proactive with compassion.
Being patient pays
“If you feel like you’re losing everything remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.”
Sustaining a relationship requires tremendous patience. Keeping it up is important for you and your partner to tackle the challenges you face together and overcome differences in approaches. Staying sympathetic and calm paves the way ahead.
There are more benefits to looking for reasons and causes within yourself. It allows you to apply a problem-solving approach to the situations you face. Don’t shun responsibility and if blaming others is a trend you find yourself in, it’s definitely a trend that needs to be addressed.
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